When do you stop losing sleep over your failed marriage? Does it really take half the time you’ve spent with someone to truly move on from them? How long until you’re finally over the divorce?
None of those questions come with a straightforward answer, but we know how terrible it is to wonder and get nothing in return, so we’ll try and answer them for you to a degree.
What Does The Science Say?
There have been several studies on this topic, and according to most of them, it takes about a year and a half on average for someone to get over a divorce.
But, the truth is – these numbers don’t mean anything.
You can’t really rely on science in situations like these because you can quantify or measure emotions – good or bad. Also, average numbers aren’t representative of real situations or real people. Just think of all the people that move on even before they even sign the divorce papers or all the people that grieve for years and years – they don’t belong anywhere near this 18-month period.
So, if you can’t rely on science – what else is there? How do we know how long it will take to move on?
What Are Some Of The Factors That Impact Our Ability To Heal And Overcome?
Putting a pin in this question is difficult because there are so many variables here. However, what we can be certain of is that some factors are more important than others.
Here are those factors.
1. How Long You Were Together
Some will say that it’s not about how long you were together but how you’ve spent those years. And while we agree to a certain degree, we can’t just discard the length of the relationship.
Couples that have spent two years together and have then split will have a much easier time than those that have split after a decade or two. It’s just the way time works. If you’ve had a healthy relationship for a decade – it’s safe to assume it’ll take you more than two years to get over your divorce.
2. How Good Your Relationship Was
The quality of your relationship plays a major role in how quickly you can move on.
If you had a healthy relationship and loving marriage up until it went wrong, you certainly wouldn’t have an easy time getting over the end of your marriage. On the other hand, if you’ve suffered for a while, you might move on before you even sign the papers.
3. Whether You Saw It Coming Or Not
Whether you were caught by surprise or not is also a factor.
If your partner had just sprung up divorce on you – getting over it might take some time. In the state of shock, it might even take you some time to find a divorce attorney like Kabirfamlylaw.co.uk, let alone move on with your life.
4. How Committed Were You To Each Other
Commitment is a vital part of every marriage. The more committed you were – the harder it’ll be.
If you entered your marriage knowing you could “get out” as soon as you wanted to – you would probably have it a bit easier after the papers have been signed.
5. Whether Your Had Children Or Not
Most married couples with children actually try and make it work for a while, which on its own proves how much of an effect children have on couples.
In the event of a divorce, whether you have children or not will play an integral role in the healing process later on. Not only will your kids constantly remind you of your once burning love for each other, but you will most likely still see each other on a daily basis.
6. The Reason Behind A Divorce
Did someone cheat? Was work more important than the spouse? Did the romance just disappear with time?
The reason behind a divorce will play a significant role in the overcoming process, as well. If you were the one hurt or if the marriage ended up suddenly – coming to terms with it and getting over it might take longer than usual.
7. How Good Are You At Handling Emotion
Finally, what kind of person you are and how good you are at handling emotions will probably play the most significant role in how long it will take you to move on.
If you’re someone in touch and in control of your emotions – you might move on rather quickly.
How Do You Know You’re Moving On?
With all that in mind – how do you know you’re moving on? How do you know you’ve begun to heal and are finally coming to terms with your new reality?
Let’s find out.
1. You’re Comfortable Being Alone
As soon as you start feeling comfortable in your own skin, and you start feeling like you don’t need anyone by your side – you’ve begun your journey.
There is nothing more empowering than feeling you are all you need once again. Once you start enjoying being alone, and once you find comfort in your own thoughts, your own presence – you’ve healed a ton.
2. You’re Looking Forward To A Date
As soon as you start feeling comfortable on your own – you’ll feel excited about going on dates, too.
Now, this one’s not necessarily true because some men and women decide that they’re done with dating and they just decide to focus on themselves, but still – if the thought of kissing someone else begins to excite you – you’ve probably well on your way to move on.
3. You’re Not Thinking About It Anymore
Sleepless nights and wandering thoughts are what makes the period after divorce the toughest. You’re running all these scenarios through your head, and you’re reminiscing, thinking what went wrong, what could’ve been better, was it all a mistake? You’re burdening yourself with all these questions until one day – you no longer do.
And that’s when you know the healing has begun.
4. You’re Confident About Your Future
It’s hard looking forward to a new day as a fresh divorcee. It’s even harder looking forward to your future.
But, once you start feeling in control and confident about your future and you begin looking forward to it, even if it’s just the near future – you can be certain that you’re well on your way to getting over the divorce.
Conclusion – How Long Does It Take?
So, how long does it take to get over a divorce? Well, we just can’t say.
Some people will grieve for a few months and just move on. Some people will grieve for years and never fully recover. It all depends.
If you’ve spent half your adult life with your partner and now you’re calling it quits – we wouldn’t bet on a speedy recovery. But we certainly wish you one.